Surrendered Sojourner

I think we have all had one(or maybe more than one) job that would qualify as awful! Right after I graduated high school, I got a new and exciting job at a local store. I was so excited for this new position even though I didn’t know exactly what I’d be doing. I showed up on Monday morning ready to work and boy was I surprised, my new position was in the warehouse sanding, painting and assembling huge industrial shelves. I wasn’t strong enough to sand the shelves much less assemble them. This was a job that I was not well suited for because I did not have the skill set, or the muscles, needed to complete my work. I tried to do the job, but I just couldn’t.
I recently read a verse in the Psalms that reminded me of my not so favorite job, Psalms 127:1 “Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.” How many times have I decided to build something for God without asking Him first? As I think back there are many. I showed up at the building site with my tools and plans only to discover I was three streets off from where I needed to be. I had the best of intentions but this wasn’t even my job site, it belonged to someone else. I’d like to tell you that once I discovered my mistake I immediately packed up my tools and set off to find my own build site but many times I didn’t. I tried to use my gifts and my tools in an area I wasn’t even supposed to be in and wondered why my plans weren’t working. Just like the awful job I had, I was trying to build yet my labor was in vain, I just couldn’t do it. I had forgotten some critical pieces of information about the building process, I can’t build a house all by myself and I can’t build it on someone else’s property.  I can work all day every day on my building but if I’m not in the place God wants me, building alongside Him then my work is completely and totally in vain. When I’m not where God wants me and I’m trying to do everything on my own this is where the discouragement and disillusionment sets in. And then I just don’t get why my great and wonderful plans aren’t coming together. That’s when I have to go back to the drawing board and begin again. I have to locate where my build site is and start with God and His plans, not mine. Then I am ready to build!! What have you been trying to build on our own?

“Faith never knows where it’s being led, but it loves and knows the One who is leading.” Oswald Chambers

How could four simple words impact me so much? They are found in 1 Samuel 14:1 and if you blink, you just might miss them. One day Jonathan the son of Saul said to the young man who carried his armor, “Come let us go over to the Philistine garrison on the other side.” But he did not tell his father. Because of Jonathan’s initiative and willingness to listen he, with the help of one other man, defeated the Philistines. The four words that have me completely floored are these, Come let us go. Each word by itself seems very small and insignificant but when you put them together they definitely pack a punch. I did not discover the importance of these words on my own, they were pointed out in an amazing book called Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus. I borrowed this book from a friend and before I’d read 10 pages I decided I needed my own copy because this was going to be one of those books that I was going to read over and over again! This book talks about seizing the power of every moment and that’s why the story of Jonathan that includes my four new life-changing words is included.
I can think of many times in my life that God whispered in my ear, Come let us go, but I can only think of a very few times that I actually surrendered and followed with reckless abandon. Normally when this call would come my response would range anywhere from “I’d like to know where we are going first before I decide” to “This is a really busy time for me, can we do it later?”. Not exactly seizing the moment was I?! I’ve discovered that the times that I feel the closest to God are the times when He calls and I follow even though I have no idea where we are going. From a young age I decided that I wanted to be a teacher so that’s what I went to school for and that’s what I became. I loved teaching and thought that I’d be doing it until I retired. I’d been happily working with children for 9 years when I heard God say it’s time to go and I actually said okay, let’s go . I had no idea where we were going when I resigned my position but I had complete and total peace that this was the right thing to do. Because I seized the moment God has given me several new passions that I never imagined I would have. When the disciples were in the boat Jesus came to them, walking on the water. He said “Come.” So Peter got out the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. Are we willing to get out of the boat and go with Jesus? When He says, come let us go, will we go?

Maybe these four simple words will have a life-changing effect on you too….

I love to look up the definition of words I have read or heard, even when I already have a general idea of what it means. While reading today I came upon the word delight, which I found sandwiched in the dictionary between the words delicious and Delilah. This is how Webster defines the word delight: to give great pleasure, to be highly pleased; rejoice. Armed with this knowledge, I headed to Scripture to see if this would change my interpretation of several familiar verses. My first stop was Psalms 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” I will admit that I’ve spent most of my time thinking about the second part of this verse, He will give me the desires of my heart, but this time I focused on the first part, delight yourself in the Lord. Knowing the definition of the word delight, I should be living my life in such a way that pleases and gives great pleasure to the Lord. When I live my life in this way the desires of my heart will be the same as God’s desires for me. There are many other verses in the Bible that talk about us delighting in the Lord; however, there are also verses about the Lord delighting in us. In 2 Samuel 22:20 David says this about the Lord: “He brought me out into a broad place: he rescued me because he delighted in me.” In 2 Chronicles 9:8 The Queen of Sheba, upon observing Solomon’s wealth and wisdom, said “Blessed be the Lord your God, who has delighted in you and set you on his throne as king for the Lord your God….” What an incredible privilege to have the God who formed the Universe delight in you! I struggle to wrap my head around the fact that God would delight in me, I’m not a king like David or wise like Solomon, I’m just plain old me. In Ephesians 5:8 we see the ultimate example of how much God truly delights in all of us (me included) “but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Somewhere between delicious and Delilah I found the incredible hope that comes from knowing that God delights in me!

Some people are known for their laid back personalities-I am NOT one of these people.  I live my life at one speed, mach 7.  I am always on the move, even when I’m at home, because I want to be so efficient that not one moment of my day is wasted.  Proverbs 31:27 (She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness) had become my modus operandi.  This quality makes for a hard worker but is not helpful when trying to learn the art of being still.  I have always wanted to be a little more like Mary but Martha is usually the one I exemplified in my everyday life.

It wasn’t until about 6 months ago that I really started to see the need to “be still”.  One Friday in June, I came home from a busy day only to be faced with more that had to be done.  I started to cry and pray-all I remember saying was “God, I don’t know where to start”.  At that very moment, I heard a still, small voice say,”Start with Me”, and for once I listened.  I walked past all the things that needed to be done and I sat down and started to read and pray.  I don’t remember what I read or what I prayed that day but what I do remember is the feeling of peace that I had when I stood up from my desk.  The amount of work to be done hadn’t changed, but I had.  That was the beginning of my journey and it has not been an easy one.  The first time I decided to carve out a few hours of my day to pray, read, and most importantly, be still, I felt very much like a square peg trying to squish myself into a round hole.  I had always spent time reading and praying but this was different, I was intentionally making time to listen to what God wanted to say.  For those who know me well, you probably doubt my ability to remain in a stationary position for any length of time but I did it.  Over the next few months, I continued to be incredibly busy but I was beginning to see the need and benefit of these times of stillness.  I even began to choose these times of stillness over other activities that I had previously enjoyed during my spare time.  These times of stillness don’t happen every day but they are happening more and more frequently because I not only see the need for them, I crave them.  During these times of stillness with God, I read His Word, I pray and, most importantly, I show up with an open heart and listening ears.  One of my favorite quotes from Brother Lawrence is, “The time of business does not with me differ from the time of prayer, and in the noise and clatter of my kitchen while several persons are at the same time calling for different things, I possess God in as great tranquility as I were on my knees at the blessed sacrament”.  To be still at all times is my desired destination, I realize that it won’t be easy but I feel like this is a journey God has called me to take.   I’m learning, slowly but surely: I even took my first mini sabbatical a few weeks ago where I checked into a hotel for one night and just spent time with God.  As I sat, all alone, in a quiet hotel room I thought how very unJaclyn-like I was being.  But that is the point of this journey, I want to be less like Jaclyn and more like Christ.   After all, He modeled “being still” better than anyone.

To feel uneasy or concerned about something.  This is one of the definitions you will find when you look up the word worry.  This was also a definition of how I lived my life until about 6 months ago.  On a daily basis I would worry about a variety of things, sometimes I would even worry because I forgot what I had just been worrying about.  I had it bad!  I could quote verse after verse about why I shouldn’t worry, but unfortunately the knowledge never made it past my head.  About 6 months ago, I began reading Philippians.  I had read this small book many, many times before, but for the first time I wasn’t just reading it; I was allowing it to pierce my heart , my mind and my actions.  One day while reading, I came to chapter 4 verse 6- Don’t worry about anything: instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.  It was like someone had turned on the light in a room that had been dark so long that I didn’t even remember what the light looked like.  Could it be possible that I could live a life of less worry?  I had always known that this was not the way God wanted me to live, but I never could figure out how to stop worrying.  I started on a journey that day, anytime I started to worry I turned it into a prayer instead.  I did a lot of praying in those first few weeks, but then it started to get a little easier.  A few months after my journey began, I had an opportunity to test out my new “no worry” lifestyle .  Several things hit me all at once, and I could feel it coming; the tidal wave of worry that wanted to pull me under.  How did I do?  Well, for the first time ever I didn’t do anything, I simply prayed and told God that I was finished and that I could do nothing without Him, I had reached the point of surrender.  It only took me 30 years, about a hundred migraines, and several gray hairs to get there!

Now, I’m embracing my new “no worry” lifestyle and enjoying every minute of it.  Will I ever stop worrying completely, probably not, but thankfully I have a Father who loves me and is patiently making me into the woman he wants me to be.  A woman after His own heart.

I’ve never been one to make New Year’s Resolutions, but when I came upon this quote by my favorite author I decided that this would be a great one.

I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone. Oswald Chambers